Today my therapist sent me a video.
Not casually. Not randomly.
But because I am navigating relationships that are toxic by nature relationships I don’t currently have the luxury of walking away from entirely.
And watching it felt like watching a pattern finally be named out loud.
There is something unsettling but also freeing about seeing behaviors you’ve lived through explained so clearly. How certain people pull you into reacting. How they provoke, bait, and twist situations until you are positioned as the problem. How they take no responsibility. How empathy is either absent or performed just long enough to maintain control.
They will gaslight.
They will manipulate.
They will rewrite reality.
They will push until you react and then point to your reaction as proof.
And when you don’t react?
That’s when it escalates.
Because what they want is supply. Energy. Engagement. Control.
And when you stop feeding that, they don’t reflect they double down.
Often with backup.
They surround themselves with others just like them. People who echo the same thinking. Who validate the same behavior. Who tag team situations so accountability never lands on the right shoulders. And if you’ve never seen it before, it can make you question your sanity.
But here’s what I know now without doubt:
They don’t do this only to you.
They do this to everyone.
Some people just haven’t seen it yet.
I’ve learned through counseling, through lived experience, through faith that the most dangerous thing you can do with someone like this is believe that if you just explain yourself better, love harder, or stay calmer, something will change.
It won’t.
They don’t respond to clarity.
They don’t respond to kindness.
They don’t respond to truth.
They respond to reaction.
And once you understand that, everything shifts.
There are techniques. Boundaries. Strategies. Ways to disengage without escalating. Ways to protect your nervous system. Ways to stay grounded when they want chaos. I’ve learned them not because I wanted to, but because my health demanded it.
Because this kind of stress doesn’t stay emotional.
It becomes physical.
It becomes illness.
It becomes exhaustion.
It becomes trauma stored in the body.
And no they will not care.
Not even if you explain it beautifully.
Not even if you are hurting.
Not even if you are sick.
That truth is hard to swallow, but it is freeing once accepted.
I am a woman of strong faith.
I am someone with solid communication skills.
I am someone who believes deeply that everyone can benefit from counseling including those who swear they don’t need it.
And because of that, I choose now very intentionally to keep people like this at a distance. Close enough only when absolutely required. Never close enough to confuse access with entitlement.
As the saying goes you don’t poop where you eat.
Energy, peace, and safety matter.
If you are reading this and recognizing yourself in the behaviors I’m describing please hear this without shame help exists. Growth is possible. But it requires honesty and humility.
And if you are reading this and recognizing your situation you are not crazy. You are not weak. You are not imagining it.
There is help. There is language for what you’re experiencing. There are professionals who understand this dynamic deeply.
Today, I watched a powerful breakdown by Dr. Ramani sent to me by my therapist and it was the kind of video you pause, rewind, and take notes on. I will pass it along to those I know who need it, because awareness is protection.
Physically, today is a little better.
Emotionally, my PTSD is still activated.
My pancreas pain is still present.
But I made a promise to my granddaughter and I will keep it.
Because love still matters.
Because showing up still matters.
I am prioritizing myself right now. Healing comes first. That means some changes are coming, and I will share them when the timing is right not rushed, not forced.
If the video I plan to post later doesn’t happen today, that’s okay. A few days won’t change the truth.
Please be safe out there.
And for the love of all that is good be kind.
It’s not hard to do…
unless you’re speaking to someone who doesn’t actually understand what kindness is.
And that difference?
It matters more than people realize.