Journal Entries
Today was... an off day. And thatās okay.
Not every post is going to be positive or inspirational and thatās just real life. I woke up this morning not feeling great, and that feeling kind of stuck around into the evening. I ended up taking a four-hour nap which is not like me at all. But when I get that tired and thereās no other sign Iām sick, I know what it usually means: a pancreas flare.
Most of the time, I try to pretend itās not happening. I make excuses, I push through. But today, I just couldnāt. After that nap, I knew. This is whatās happening. This is the reality.
Still, I did get in my 20th day of movement for the challenge this morning and a bit this afternoon which is something Iām proud of. I want to share more on the challenge about ways to get movement in that arenāt the usual routines. There are so many ways to move, even if you canāt get out of bed. Thatās real, and it matters. I will on my Challenge page
I did manage to get a few things done today, but honestly, it was only because I put so much pressure on myself to always be doing something. I rarely let myself rest. Iām always on the go appointments, errands, just life. Itās rare I ever stop and ask, "Do I need to slow down today?"
Even though I wasnāt feeling like myself, I still pushed. And I need to stop doing that. Thatās hard for me to admit.
Living with a chronic illness actually, two means that I wonāt always have full control. Some days will just be slow and heavy. I think sometimes I pretend I donāt have them. Maybe Iām in denial. Or maybe Iām just tired. Tired of the limitations, of not feeling ānormal.ā But then again what even is normal?
Someone messaged me the other day and asked, āHave you developed diabetes yet?ā We had never spoken before, and I found the question so invasive but it also struck a nerve. Because truthfully, that is the likely reality at some point. The pancreas does so much. Itās all connected to insulin and energy and everything else.
Most days, I feel like I never got to live the life I imagined for myself. Not that I have a bad life itās just... different. More limited. And thatās hard.
So no, this isnāt the uplifting post you usually get from me. But itās honest. Itās my real life today. Iām going to curl up and watch Sirens on Netflix (itās weird, but kind of cool?) and rest. Hopefully tomorrow feels better. But if it doesnāt, thatās okay too.