Yesterday I did a YouTube video about struggling, but today I’ve been doing it more in silence. Honestly, I just don’t feel like myself. There’s been so much going on for such a long time, and with healing and counseling, a lot is finally coming to the surface. I can definitely feel it.
I’ve been spending a huge amount of time working out to try and dim it down a bit. I’m tired, but I keep pushing because I’m goal-oriented and motivated, and staying on a solid schedule matters to me. I have counseling tomorrow, so maybe I’ll get some answers as to why this week has hit me harder than others.
If I seem more quiet or to myself, don’t mistake it for weakness that’s not who I am. My boundaries are strong and firm. I’m just not feeling like “me.” Maybe this is the new me, and I just have to learn how to sit with it.
One thing I do know is that I’m loving my church community. The feeling I get when I’m there is amazing, and I’m so excited for Bible study to start in the middle of the month. I already study on my own to prepare, but I can’t wait to share it with like-minded people. I’m even interested in joining another group too.
Another little change for me: I’m making sure to dress up every day. No all day comfy's right now. I used to love dressing up, but after pancreatitis, it changed. Then I got back into it, fell off again, and now I’m shifting once more. Not saying I won’t wear comfy clothes when I work out, but in everyday life I want to find that medium where I feel good. I don’t like the attention from tiny clothes I’d rather wear layers than show too much but I’m figuring out what feels right for me.
It’s been a couple of days of this small shift, and it feels good. Today, though, after a two-hour workout, I’m wiped out. So, it’s early bed for me tonight.
I hope everyone had a blessed day. Sending prayers to all who need them because honestly, we all do. The beautiful part is, God already knows what we need. He’s amazing.