Today, I decided to dedicate the day to me. I rarely take these kinds of days where I just do what I want, when I want. I didn’t feel like putting on makeup, even though I wear it every day. Instead, I focused on skin care, masks, washing my hair, and just doing the little things around the house that set me up for next week. I needed this. With so much planned in the days ahead, I had to stop and take a breath.
I do a lot for others and I don’t mind but I’ve been reminding myself that I need to do me more often. I’m cooking dinner (a recipe I used to make when I was training my daughter is so excited for it). After that, I’ll cook up some asparagus and ground turkey. Later I may play some games, something I haven’t done in a while. I might still hop on my treadmill for cardio I usually don’t miss but I already got a solid weight workout in and a ton of movement today, so if my body says rest, I’ll listen.
But today wasn’t just about pampering. It was also about convicting myself. I had to admit that while I’ve healed so much especially over the past two years I still let people into my life who haven’t done their own healing. I set non-negotiables, and I’ve worked so hard to become the best version of myself, but that doesn’t mean others have done the same.
And truthfully, I have a pattern of letting people in who aren’t ready, who haven’t changed. I was talking about it recently, and someone asked me, “Why do you do that? You’re so great, and they’ve never treated you right.” And I really had to sit with that.
God asks us to forgive over and over but He never asks us to stay in the middle of toxic behavior. That’s where I’ve gone wrong in the past. I had no boundaries, no limits, no self-love. I allowed chaos into my life ghosting, breadcrumbing, future faking etc and it damaged me deeply. In 2021, I finally said no more.
It wasn’t easy. Healing never is. I fell down, got back up, fell down again. But I learned boundaries. I learned self-respect. I learned that when you take control of your life and stop tolerating disrespect, people will leave and that’s okay. Some may never return. Others may come back one day, once they’ve truly healed. Until then, they don’t get access to me.
I’ve wasted too many years giving too much of myself to people who only used me, who didn’t value me, and maybe never even liked me. That’s a hard truth to swallow. But it’s also what pushes me to protect my peace now.
I can forgive, I can pray for them, but I will not go back. My healing, my faith, my love for God and for myself those come first. And if someone hasn’t done the work, hasn’t faced their patterns, hasn’t chosen growth then I can’t let them in. Period.
Enough is enough.
I hope everyone is having a great Saturday it’s going to be a good one. Tomorrow morning is church for me, and I’ve got to say, I truly love and appreciate God for all that He does in my life and in all of our lives. He is amazing.